How Facebook Helps Us Process Grief

Written By: Kim - Apr• 13•13

It’s been a sad week in my Facebook world. Last Sunday evening, a high school friend passed away after a short, three-month battle with acute lymphoblastic leukemia (ALL). In for foot surgery one Facebook post, diagnosed with ALL, then dead in less than about three months. Not only has it been a roller coaster for her family and close friends, those of us waiting for news were praying for it to be good. I had never even heard of this aggressive form of cancer until now. Her death impacted me despite the fact that I was not a close friend. She was a mom, a wife and a US Air Force Airman. That tender spot I have for military folks never really goes away.

©Mike Howard, 2011

©Mike Howard, 2011

Then, later in the week, another friend flew across country to be with her dying mother. The only good news out of this story is that all of her siblings and grandchildren were there when her mom passed away. We should all be so lucky.

The final sad event was when another friend’s dog passed away. This is the dog that my friend had since before she had children of her own. Honestly, after that post and the other events of the week (including a friend’s scare when they could not locate his wife’s EMT crew after an emergency call), I was afraid to look at Facebook. I just didn’t think I could process any more sad news in the space of a week.

If I were a country song writer, I would have the next hit on my hands.

Before online capabilities and then social media sites, we had to learn the news the old fashioned way: letters or phone calls. Now, you go to your Facebook page and you never know what you will find.

So, like everyone connected to these friends, I am processing the information, sharing their grief and trying to be of some comfort. I can only hope that the outpouring of love from friends help ease their burden of grief just a little.

Hug your loved ones and family a little tighter. None of us never know how long we truly have. Here’s to seeing our loved ones, including our pets, on the other side.

 

Moving on Without Forgetting

Written By: Kim - Sep• 08•12

I ran in to my son’s junior school counselor last week. My daughter is now a student at this school and had forgotten something in her locker. The counselor asked how my son’s first week of high school was going and I said that he was more enthusiastic about school than ever before. She then said that his class was ready to leave and move on to high school; that it was time for them to go.

At the time, I simply reflected on the fact that upper grade students are often ready to move on. Students become itchy during a transition year. But the class of 2016’s readiness in our small community may have a different motivation for leaving junior high school: two classmates died that year. One by suicide and one after an illness. And, both within a few months of each other.

Moving on to high school meant no longer entering school doors daily that reminded the class of 2016 that their friends were gone. Dealing with death is never easy. Ever. But dealing with it at such a tender age, especially when it is a peer, is almost unthinkable.

While I can only speak for our experience with my son’s friend, the seventh of every month brings Facebook comments about missing Connor Albright. It is only through her son’s death that I now know his Mom and I lend the support the only way I know how: letting her know that we have not forgotten him and that we continue to pray that God eases the burden of loss.

On Connor Albright’s birthday last month, his Mom went to his gravesite early. She posted that she just couldn’t handle visiting him on the actual day. When I read her post, I was home. I cried like a baby. Not only did it break my heart that her child was gone, but that her burden was still heavy. The loved ones he left behind were still grieving. The world is a little less brighter because he is gone and their lives changed forever. I met Connor once and he left such a wonderful impression on me. I know that he entered the hearts of everyone who knew him, my son included. To love him daily during his life was a privilege, one that I know his family felt.

My son Connor is now a freshman in high school. My husband and I are looking at each other wondering if there was some sort of fast forward on our lives. Wasn’t he just starting kindergarten? Unlike some other school years, he seems to have embraced entering high school. Like many boys, he doesn’t really seem to enjoy school other than when he socializes. I sometimes wonder if he is so willing to go on to high school because of his loss.

Along with two friends, my Connor visited Connor Albright’s grave on his birthday. They shouldered the burden of grief together, the three of them, so that someone else’s grief may be lessened slightly that day. As always, we never know the reactions our actions will have. We simply hope that what we say and do impacts someone else in a positive way.

We miss you Connor Albright. But, we’re doing our best to move on without forgetting either.