What I Learned from Whitney Houston

Written By: Kim - Feb• 12•12

News of Whitney Houston’s death hit last night. Details have yet to be determined in how she died, but police now report no foul play. Anyone who has followed her career knows she has has some great moments where she was on top of the mountain and some low moments when it seemed as though she’d never get out of the ditch. Like most of us, I was shocked and disappointed. I am honest enough to admit my first two thoughts about how she died were: heart failure from years of drug use or an overdose. Based on Whitney Houston’s family background, I shouldn’t even be typing those words in relation to speculating on how she died.

Like most people my age, I grew up listening to her sweet, soulful voice. This was before Mariah, Adele or Beyonce; before one-name singers were the “it girls.” She had a God-given voice that was instantly recognizable. She grew up in an extended family of singers. She had a megawatt smile and a stage presence that commanded your attention. Whitney Houston was beautiful and your parents approved of her music. As a teenager, it was all you really could ask. She was also a diva before the term was coined, but it wasn’t until much later in her life that she gave that title a bad name by having badly.

While she certainly could have started her drug use before she ever met Bobby Brown, she deteriorated severely while they were married. Like many people, I wanted their marriage to last and for them to be happy together. I also wanted them to clean up their act so they could live healthy and revive their careers. By the end of her life, you could tell that Whitney’s voice was not the same. Years of drug use or smoking will do that to you. Instead of that clear voice hitting all the notes, her voice was gravelly, soft and missed some notes.

Despite our occasional desire to be famous, it is not a status I would wish on anyone. I don’t want people commenting on my appearance, relationships or business decisions. And, now, star coverage is even more invasive than it was when Whitney was hot. She was raised in a practicing Christian family where faith clearly was part of her framework. But, instead of turning to her family or God to deal with the pressure of being in the spot light, she decided that drugs were the best way. Or perhaps being married to Bobby Brown, she thought, “If I can’t beat him, I will join him.” I know this is common in relationships where one person is either an alcoholic or drug user.

Famous people dying is not new. It’s been a tough first six weeks of 2012 for those of us who grew up and came of age in the 1980s. When people our age die, it’s a not-so-subtle reminder that none of us live forever despite the action heroes we grew up with. But, as a gawky, overweight teenager, listening to Whitney Houston’s “The Greatest Love of All”  she reminded me how important it was to love yourself. It’s an excellent reminder for us all — that learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.

I just wish Whitney Houston would have taken this to heart. If she had, she would not have endured a career collapse, rehab and she would still be with us.

 

 

Goodbye Friend

Written By: Kim - Nov• 13•11

This weekend, we said goodbye to a good friend of my son’s. Between the viewing and the funeral, I am not sure who was more of a wreck; me or my son. We stayed at the viewing for about three hours. The teen friends who attended the viewing were simply amazing. They cried, but they consoled each other. When a new wave of teens arrived, the ones who had already been to see Connor Albright embraced them and led them through the steps. It was leadership and humanity at its best.

Connor Bingham Albright, 08/28/97 - 11/07/11

The morning of the funeral, I found myself amazingly composed. I managed not to turn in to a water faucet until they shut the lid of Connor Albright’s coffin. The complete sense of closure and goodbye overwhelmed me. I haven’t cried that hard since I buried a friend’s son in 2006 or my Mom in 2002. As a mother, this sight broke my heart.

The church’s pastors and the Air Force chaplain were amazing. They remained composed and comforted us with their words. It always amazes me that during times of mourning our clergy comfort us so. I always find the strength to continue forward. They reminded us that mourning is ok. It is part of the grieving process. They reminded us that Connor’s soul is on the other side and that it should be our goal to embrace Jesus to make sure we are reunited with him one day.

The family’s grief counselor asked all of Connor’s friends to stand. She spoke to them words of encouragement and consolation. She told them that Connor took great joy in his friendship with them and that they should never forget that. She reminded them that is was ok to continue to speak about him and talk to his family about their memories of Connor. 

She also told the teens that in the darkest hours of the night when the family awoke in grief, it comforted them tremendously to see Connor’s friends commenting on his Facebook page.

Connor’s brother said his account received over 300 friend requests when news of his death broke. He accepted them all because his family wanted to stay in touch with the kids so they would know what was going on. Social media served us well during a crisis.

The counselor then went on to read the most amazing letter from Connor’s family. They spoke to the community: the teachers, grief counselors, friends and finally, directly to Connor. As she laid her hand on Connor’s coffin and read the closing part of the letter, the family told Connor they were not mad at him. That they understood that sometimes the adolescent brain does not connect the permanency of death with actions. They told him is baby brother, to be born in January 2012, will know him just as they do. It was the second time that morning that I cried so hard my shoulders shook. None of us ever wish to write words of condolence, but the family’s eloquence and simple heartfelt message to the community and their son during their time of unimaginable sorry was just beautiful.

It was clear that the teen friends of Connor Albright needed this closure. As I was viewing the Facebook stream yesterday afternoon, the children commented that the finally thought everything would be all right. The sun will come out tomorrow and thank you Connor Albright for reminding us of that.