Transforming But Not Reforming

Written By: Kim - Jun• 05•11

“We have the power to transform our partner but should not reform our partner.”

The Archbishop of Canterbury who married Prince William and Kate Middleton spoke these words on their April 29 wedding. Never have truer words been spoken regarding relationships.

How many times have we tried to reform someone? Maybe he or she had habits that annoyed. Perhaps the behavior was detrimental to his or her health, life or your relationship. Maybe you thought he would change for you.

No, he won’t.

Oh, he might be on his best behavior for a short amount of time, but his old habits will resurface. If you really hate his dog, don’t date him. If you can’t stand his friends, they won’t go away after the wedding. If you think you will have problems with his Mom, you will.

I have been married to the same man for 20 years. He still leaves his shoes in the kitchen. He lets his paperwork, newspapers and magazines pile up on the counter. He procrastinates about everything but the business he runs. He is the ultimate alpha male who drives us everywhere.

Do these things drive me up the wall? Yep. Are they the worst habits someone can have? Nope. Have I changed any of this in two decades? Obviously not.

Are there things about him that I adore? Yes. He is a faithful, loving man who puts his family first. He’s a wonderful cook. He has never forgotten a birthday or anniversary. He makes me feel like the most important woman in the room.

© Leo Cummings, via stock.xchng

You do marry in to his family. His friends will be at your home. He is not giving up his dog for you. If he is an alpha male or mister milk toast, he is not likely to switch sides.

So, if there are things about a potential mate that drive you crazy while you date, deal with it or walk away. You both will be happier in the long run.

True love generally means acceptance of the good, the bad and the ugly.

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