What I Learned at Oprah’s Live the Life You Want Tour

Written By: Kim - Sep• 28•14

When a good friend approached me this past spring about going to the Oprah’s Live the Life You Want Tour, the timing wasn’t exactly great. I had just started my consulting business the same month and every dollar mattered. But, I decided that it was too good of an opportunity to turn down.

2014-09-26 18.09.16The weekend was really about self-development, be it personal or professional. While we were not in the most glamorous location, here’s what I learned in Newark, NJ.

  • People love Oprah, especially women. Brave men came along with their significant other or partner. Hats off to you men for sharing this experience with someone in your life who matters to you.
  • The lack of basic self esteem is astounding in people. I don’t mean someone who criticizes their feet or hair, but deep-seeded feelings of despondency, whether they are successful or not. Oprah brought a woman up on stage who had four children and a master’s degree (she looked so young) and she was beating herself up because she wasn’t using her master’s degree in her job.
  • Women really do support other women, despite all of the negative headlines. When this woman was on stage, Oprah pointed out that she had accomplished quit a feat: she had four young children and had completed her master’s degree. As she continued to cry (Oprah really is the best therapist) someone in our section yelled out as it became quiet, “We believe.” We believe in you. What support.
  • People make a difference in this world, even with the small resources they have available. One of this tour’s sponsors was Toyota. On this tour, their foundation hands out grants to deserving organizations during the day that is called a Toyota Standing Ovation. On our stop, the Camden Sophisticated Sisters received not only $25,000 from Toyota, but a $25,000 match from a woman in the audience. I realize that all causes are worthy, but this particular story was riveting. A 15 year-old single mother, challenged by her grandfather, kept this organization going after the funding dried up. Thirty years and three more children of her own, the CSS students have a 100% high school graduation completion record in a city that has a 50% drop out rate. Making a difference in so many lives – one at a time. Wonderful.
  • You have to own your destiny. Look, you can’t control who your parents are or where you came from, but you can control where you are going. You are the only one who can decide what is best for you; what your quest is; where you belong. It may not always fit into a nice idea that other people have and you will encounter plenty of naysayers. Screw them. You get on your quest and follow your dream. And, quite frankly, the naysayers may have to be cut out of your life if they can’t support you. Remove the negative language from your life and replace it with phrases like: I’m on my way, I can do anything, I know my life has meaning, I listen to my heart, I am taking steps to be healthier. You get the idea.

2014-09-27 09.08.57So, if I am going to share this small amount of feedback about this tremendous experience, then I should share my new vision that I created this weekend. Yeah, Oprah gave us homework.

My New Vision

  1. I am becoming a financially-secure business owner.
  2. I will be more present during family moments.
  3. I will speak gently to myself and others, removing negativity so that those words do not get left in my couch cushion (per a story Oprah told about Maya Angelou).
  4. I have a mission to make sure that my family knows how much they matter to me and how beautiful my life is because of them.
  5. I’m on my way to traveling more with my family so that we all can experience what the world has to offer.

Let me know if you create a new vision so that I can find out if there is any way that I can support you (other than cheering you on)!

Women of Privilege: Stop Writing about Working Moms

Written By: Kim - Sep• 19•13

I sometimes read books on business strategy. I do not read advice or self-help books. I will not entertain reading any books by women or men who tell me how I can (or can’t) have it all because I am a working mother.

The business community and women in general have been in a flutter this year over Sheryl Sandberg’s book “Lean In” as if we’ve never had anyone, man or woman, write about a woman’s career path. I honestly did not understand the fuss.

Now the President of Barnard College, Debora L. Spar, is telling women it’s ok to be second best. Her publisher, Sarah Crichton Books released “Wonder Women: Sex, Power, and the Quest for Perfection” today. Why do I know this? Not because I care what’s on the best seller list or that she was profiled in the New York Times, but because a working mom friend shared the article on Facebook.

ckhaghcutiesI do not need a woman who made over $500,000 simply by serving on the board of Goldman Sachs telling me that I am going to settle because I am a working mom who is convinced that I must be perfect. First of all, what in the hell would she know about settling? According to a Bloomberg News article posted on June 16, 2011, Debora L. Spar made more money from serving on a board than most Americans will ever see in an annual combined salary between two working parents. This half a million dollar figure does not include her salary and benefits she receives from her employer or any other income she makes.

Second of all, working moms do not need women who spend their annual salary on a nanny, personal chef or chauffeur to tell us how to be a better working mom or to forgive ourselves for not being perfect. Well, thank you very much Ms. Jesus Christ, but I don’t need your pontification to feel better about the job I am doing as a working mom. I am also not seeking your forgiveness because you believe I am not doing it all and that I should be ok with that.

If you would bother to walk among the average American Mom, which clearly you do not, here is what we are doing:

  1. We pay thousands of dollars annually in day care juggling works schedules in order to pick our children up on time before we get charged for being late.
  2. We are dropping off our children exactly when the daycare opens at 6:30 am so we can get to work on time. When I think of how I had to drag my two-year-old son out of bed to be at daycare that early, I cringe.
  3. We rely on family who might live near us to help us either watch our children at no cost or for a much lower amount than a center or in-home daycare would cost. For families like mine, we are SOL because our families live out of state.
  4. If we have teenagers and younger children, we are relying on them to watch their younger siblings often at their cost of juggling school work, sports, other activities and social time.
  5. We rely on our network of other moms to help us out in a bind. I thank God every day for the stay-at-home Mom friends I had whom I leaned on over the years when my children were younger and I was in a bind.
  6. We rely on our network of working moms who’s children do the same sport or activity as ours so we can carpool to and from practices. And yes, the Dads step in as well.
  7. We are telecommuting or flexing our schedule when our employer permits it. And, we are on our knees every day thanking God we have that option.
  8. We take our children to our office’s onsite daycare because we get to spend more time with them on the commute, even when that commute is hellish and lasts over an hour each way.
  9. We are not seeking promotions or other career opportunities because we may not have the flexibility we enjoy with our current employer.
  10. We are sometimes leaving our older children at home with our younger ones when we have shift work. You see, your Starbucks barista, local dry cleaner worker or nurse, no matter how great the company is, still cannot afford day care for their children.
  11. We are serving whatever we can for meals that is somewhat nutritional and quick. Crockpots get used often. Do you even know what one is? Briner (breakfast and dinner) might be used weekly. While it may not be Julia Child’s Boeuf Bourguignon (which I make on the weekends when I have the time), we grin and bear it. Unfortunately, there are more nights than we care to admit that include fast food or sandwiches.
  12. We are squeezing in exercise when we can but not nearly as often as we should.
  13. We are volunteering in our community and profession.
  14. We are worried that we are failing our children.
  15. We are drinking wine. Sometimes a lot of it.

So, I am asking the women of privilege to stop writing about working moms. We are managing. It is never perfect, even if we had the money that you do. Find some other woman’s issue to focus on. Seriously. You have a voice that people listen to. Please change your message.